its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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