I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
