Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
