you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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