when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
