I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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