i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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