He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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