It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
