Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
