Dual....:-)
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
