....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
