all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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