Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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