Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
