The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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