dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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