WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
