i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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