he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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