I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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