OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
