"it" just moved
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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