The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
