just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
