i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
