remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
