I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
