I heard we made out
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
