Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize