i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
