We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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