drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
