my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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