btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
