:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Someone came in the potted fern
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
