What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
