I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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