i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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