when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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