i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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