she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
