So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
