textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
