Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Who did Billy Mays play for?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
