i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I just went to clothing optional bar
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
