I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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