I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
