how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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