my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
