Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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