Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
