I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
