haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
