Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
